Wage Your Wars
by Eliana Panthera
Summary: Claire had loved Alice once. Maybe she even still did. And she couldn't stand the idea of leaving the last person she'd ever known to travel the desolate world alone. -Claire/Alice- -Afterlife AU-
1. Beside The Salty Water

**Title: **Wage Your Wars (1/11)

**Fandom: **Resident Evil (movie-verse)

**Pairing: **Alice Abernathy/Claire Redfield

**Rating: **NC-17

**Summary: **Claire had loved Alice once. Maybe she even still did. And she couldn't stand the idea of leaving the last person she'd ever known behind to travel the desolate world alone.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Resident Evil, or Claire and Alice.

**Notes: **This will be super angsty. You've been warned.

XXX

_You'll hold me like you'll never let me go  
And beside the salty water, I could hold you close,  
But you are far too beautiful to love me._

In Memoriam - The Oh Hello's

XXX

**Alice's POV**

"Where are we going?"

The words came from one Claire Redfield. Alice turned over her shoulder, momentarily glancing at the other woman in the second seat of the plane. Her face was close to the window, and breath from her mouth created opaque clouds on the glass as she stared out over the coastline. It was the first thing Alice had heard the redhead say that day, and when she had glanced at her watch just a moment before, the time had been **16:06:17**.

"A little ways farther down the coast. We're going to stop in Northern California, about 20 more minutes from here," Alice explained. As she spoke, Claire turned to face her, resting her cheek against the glass. Her hair was thrown up into a messy ponytail, and small red rivers fell into her face and across her cheek. Alice gave her a slight smile before she turned back towards the front window, allowing the plane to begin descending slightly.

Claire had looked totally exhausted, once-emerald eyes a faded, murky color that reminded Alice of the few plants that had managed to survive in the American desert. Her skin was no longer tan, and her cheeks were gaunt. Even when she clenched her jaw, which she often did, Alice felt as if she could grab it and the bone would crumble to dust in her fist.

Alice had sent Claire, K-Mart, and the eleven other remaining members of the convoy off in a helicopter nearly 19 months ago. They had been headed towards Alaska, a town called Arcadia, which was supposed to provide them with nothing but positives**—**food, shelter, a lack of the infection. That had been the most painful moment of her life, watching that helicopter take off. But she had known it was for the best. Or, at least, she had thought it was at the time.

After she and a collection of clones had taken down three of the five strongest remaining Umbrella cooperation headquarters, Alice had left the drastically-reduced amount of remaining clones in the Death Valley facility to attempt to create a cure. Then she had set off on her own, heading towards Alaska, finally free of her horrible superhuman abilities, hoping to find a chance to start over.

What she had found stuck a bone-shattering blow, because she had stupidly allowed herself to hope too hard. As she turned the plane in a large banking arc, memories flooded her like ice water.

_Alice walked slowly and quietly through the maze of airplanes. The air was still but crisp with cold. She tugged her coat tightly around her body, crossing her arms over her chest. There was nothing here but the skeleton planes and silence. It was disconcerting, to say the least, and Alice was thankful for the weight of her guns at her hips and between her shoulders. _

_Arcadia had been a lie. Or it had been true at first, then succumbed to its fate like the rest of the world already had. The thought made her sick, but the realization she could not see the helicopter made her sicker. Had Claire and the others even made it? Alice hoped they had, prayed to a god she knew she no longer believed in that they had made it, and just moved on to a place where they could set up camp. Maybe she would stumble upon them eventually, and they would welcome her back. Maybe Claire would welcome her back._

_The opposite side of her brain teased her with poisonous suggestions. What if they had never made it at all? What if they never found enough fuel? What if the helicopter crashed? The mere idea brought acid to a boil in Alice's guts, but also a slight sense of relief. If they had died, at least they would never have arrived to witness the disappointment._

_Alice sighed, tearing the thoughts away from where they had stapled themselves to her. They still ached in her skin, but it was a dull feeling, more frustrating than debilitating. When she stopped listening to them, the sound of the ocean hit her instead._

_Alice walked towards it, the wall of planes decreasing the closer to the sound she traveled. The first thing she saw of the beach was a rocky coast and a deep blue-green expanse of water, each wave capped with a foamy volcano of white. Then, she spotted the Osprey, dark and looming with a sinister Umbrella logo printed on its side. Despite herself, Alice ran towards it, hoping beyond hope she would find a sign of where the convoy had gone._

_The chopper was empty, except for a few random items scattered on the floor or shoved under seats. One of them was the small red, leather moleskin Alice distinctly remembered giving to K-Mart, the one that lead them here in the first place. She reached to pick it up and realized her hands were shaking. She held the book tightly in her hands in order to still them. The pages only began quivering in her grasp, not pausing the trembles in her palms much at all._

_Something hard and sharp filled her throat. Alice swallowed around it and felt it slice her vocal chords. Her lower eyelids felt heavy and warm, but she refused to let the tears escape. No. That weakness was something she could not give into._

_Breathing in and out heavily to calm her emotions, Alice walked over to a log near the water and sat down. The backs of her thighs ached immediately as the wood dug into them. With fumbling fingers, she dug around in the inside pocket of her coat. Finally, she found her video camera and pulled it out. She turned it on after setting it to face her._

_"May 3rd," Her voice sounded brittle like old glass, both from lack of use and the tears clogging her body. Alice refused to clear her throat, "19:30 hours. Arcadia," The word came out slightly more bitter than she had originally intended, but it tasted sour on her tongue and she wanted nothing more than to spit it out as quickly as possible, "No such place exists. Just an empty field...and a beach," She sighed deeply, looking across the slowly pulsing waves, "But we all heard the transmissions. Someone must have sent them," She thought she heard something distantly behind her, or perhaps was struck by the feeling of something watching her. Whatever the cause, a feeling of unease hit her suddenly, "Someone...must have brought all these people here. But why? Where did they go?"_

_Alice rose from the log and gripped the camera. Her voice sounded more exhausted than it ever had before, "Day 177, signing off." She swallowed, looking at her own tired image staring back at her, the dark bags huddled beneath her eyes and the wrinkles joining hands at her lips had finally started to show now that the T-Virus was out of her body. It only succeeded in making her look older, weaker._

_"I don't know if I can do this much longer," Alice admitted, "What if I'm the last one? What if there's no one else?" Voicing the thought sent a new spike of cold through her, all the way down into her bones, "No one to watch these tapes. Is this my punishment? For letting all this happen?"_

_This time, there was no way she could fight the tears. Right as the first one rose to exit her eyelids, something caught her blurry peripheral vision. This time, she was sure of it. Someone had just run past her. Alice jumped to her feet, shoving the camera into her pocket as she took off. "Wait! Wait! Please! Stop!" Yelling hurt her throat. Her voice sounded desperate. The air stung her teary eyes as she took off after the figure in a full sprint._

_She came to a stumbling halt in the middle of the hallway of airplanes. Weakly, she called out a 'hello'. For a moment, there was no response. Then something creaked behind her and she pulled out her guns as she turned. Nothing. She looked around, eyes narrowed. Stillness and silence. Maybe she was going crazy._

_Then suddenly, something collided with her back. _

_Alice let out an involuntary yelp and twisted violently. A knife stabbed towards her chest, and Alice dropped her weapons to grip the attacker's wrists, prepared to shatter them. Hard grunting breaths escaped the mouth of the person, and they flipped their head harshly, forcing tangles of hair from their face._

_Olive green eyes met Alice's, and time froze. _

_The women stared at each other. The attacker, dirty and battered, was paused in a snarl, her lips torn back, her eyes wide and wild and fearful. Alice still gripped her wrists, tugging on them and pulling the woman up to stand on her toes. The single word fell from her lips before she could even think it clearly, "Claire?"_

_"Alice," the other woman responded, breathless and shocked. Only then did Alice release Claire's wrists. _

_With a shaking hand, Alice reached out, touching her hand to Claire's grimy cheek. She was still as beautiful as the brunette remembered. Alice wanted to kiss her lips despite the mess. She wanted to hold her and touch her and never leave her again. And she almost did, until she met Claire's eyes again._

_They were cloudy and paled, agony curling through them like a venomous snake. And Alice knew then that it wouldn't be appropriate or reciprocated. Claire was terrified and confused, and by the looks of it, alone and without adequate supplies. _

_"Oh Claire," Alice whispered._

Alice had given Claire a sponge and filled a bucket of water for her. The woman had cleaned herself thoroughly and dressed in cleaner clothes that Alice had found for her in the back seat of her plane. Only after Alice had tended to her needs did the brunette allow herself to ask the younger woman questions. Claire had answered them that night reluctantly, and her eyes had stared off into the distance as though she was not fully in the same place as Alice. The rest of the convoy had died over the previous months. Many froze in the winters. Others died of disease. There _was_ no infection**—**at least not from humans. However, two or three members of the convoy had been attacked by animals under the influence of the T-Virus, and had eventually turned and been killed by Claire herself. She was the last one left. They had found no one else. Just bones and the ghosts of old campfires. Anyone else who had tried to make their living here had also underestimated the winters, or they had simply moved on to somewhere farther South.

That night, and the explanations Claire had given, was the most the redhead had spoken in the weeks since she and Alice had reunited. Often, she only asked very simple questions, and answered Alice's with nods or as few words as she could possibly manage. It was disconcerting. In the desert, Claire had been fiery and passionate, filled with a warrior's spirit and a fierce desire to lead people and protect them. Now she was just a hollow shell, filled with nothing but the ghosts of the old Claire Redfield.

Alice only hoped that she could find a way to resurrect her.

XXX

The Yakovlev Yak-52 touched down in a field about a third of a mile from the Northern California coast. When Alice pushed up the entrance to the cockpit, she could smell the sea salt and thought she could very faintly hear the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. She climbed down off the wing with grace, and offered a hand to Claire to help her down. The redhead didn't accept it, instead hopping off and landing on her feet with an unceremonious _thud_.

They both grabbed their packs, and Alice motioned with her head, "Follow me." Claire nodded curtly, and they left the plane. Alice walked with perfect direction, knowing quite well where to go. She had seen the bungalow from above and her direction-oriented brain had memorized the route to it from the field. She pulled up a map in her mind and followed the highlighted trails. Their feet crunched over dry grass and weeds. Wind danced around them, tugging at their hair with damp, persistent fingers and brushing stinging thumbs across their eyes.

It was a cold May, even for Alice in her parka. Claire had only a her vest, and Alice could hear her teeth chattering from four feet away. She walked a little faster. Surely there would be blankets or something in the bungalow she could give to Claire to warm her up. She listened for the sound of the redhead's footsteps, making sure she was keeping up.

After another minute or two, they reached the small house. Alice held open the door and allowed Claire to enter first. The redhead did not acknowledge the gesture, and Alice felt an instinctive flare of annoyance before she flattened it down, berating herself. She had no right to be annoyed. Claire was shaken to the core from the past several months. It wasn't fair for Alice to feel that sharp stab of bitterness. She closed the door tightly behind her as she followed Claire in.

Before her stood a small but well-decorated living room and a kitchen that had probably once been bright and welcoming. All of the colors were faded and tired from a lack of care and human presence . It was much more ideal than some places Alice had stayed in the past, however, and she welcomed it. Her first order of business was to find Claire something warm. She searched the bedroom first, and found both a heavy, tribal-print fleece blanket and a turtle-neck sweater. She wrinkled her nose at the garment, but it was better than the redhead freezing to death.

Claire was sitting on the living room floor, feeding a fire in the fire place. Alice offered her the blanket and the sweater. Claire gave her a nod and a grateful smile that didn't quite meet her eyes in response. She shrugged off her vest, pulled the sweater on over her gray tank top, then put her vest back on. She pulled the blanket around her shoulders, then after a second or two, she scooted closer to the fire and offered the other side of the fairly large blanket. Alice declined. It was fairly warm now that the fire was going. And besides, she didn't want to crowd the younger woman.

Memories of hot desert nights spent with Claire's even hotter body writhing naked and sweating against her still haunted her, burning through her blood. She still felt something for the younger woman. She had carried it around with her for all these months. It was what had brought her back to Claire even though she could easily have stayed away.

She cared about the former convoy leader deeply, but she didn't want to rush into her feelings. Claire was still detached and vulnerable, and Alice knew pushing the other woman in her current emotional state could break her completely. The not speaking and the heartbreakingly sad eyes were enough for now.

Alice, in her old life, hadn't often been the one to make the first move, anyway. She could wait. She could wait forever for Claire Redfield, if she had to.

XXX

"I'll sleep on the floor," Alice offered.

There was only one bed in the small bungalow. Alice hadn't even thought about it, not while she and Claire were in front of the fire warming up, not while she was barricading the doors and the windows. It was only now that they stood in the room, the only source of light coming from their flashlights, that the realization hit.

Claire sighed, shaking her head. She glanced at Alice and surprisingly, she spoke, "That's not fair. I'll sleep on the floor."

"Claire, I can handle it. You've slept on the ground and in plane cockpits every day for almost two years. I can handle one night," Alice argued back, managing to bite down her surprise at hearing Claire's voice for more than just a couple of words.

A frown tugged at the redhead's lips. Alice could see it even through the faint beams their flashlights scattered across the room, "I'm sleeping on the floor. That's final." She even sat down on the floor and started laying out her blanket. Alice wanted to literally pick the woman up and throw her on the bed.

And kiss her until their lips were bruised and take her clothes off and...

Woah. Where had _that_ come from?

Alice kept her expression passive, but internally she shook off the thoughts with a force. She knew damn well where they had come from, but she couldn't let that distract her. God. Hadn't she told herself just a short while earlier that she couldn't break Claire more by pressuring her? Her voice was sharp, possibly sharper than she had intended, "Claire Rebecca Redfield, you are _not _sleeping on the floor!"

Claire looked startled, mouth hanging open slightly. Her voice wavered, "You...you remember my middle name?"

"Well, uh, yeah. I guess I do," Alice replied, hoping that Claire couldn't see the blush she could feel spreading across her cheeks. Alice had always been observant. She paid attention to every detail. Always had. Sometimes her memory of conversations and little quirks and certain words or actions confused people. They occasionally even freaked out about it a little. There was hardly anything they could tell Alice without her forgetting it. She carried many secrets from past friends and lovers hidden away inside of her, because she couldn't bring herself to try to forget those stories.

Claire, however, seemed only surprised and perhaps a little pleased by the memorization. She looked between Alice and the bed, and pursed her lips before she voiced her thoughts, "It's a queen-size. We could, erm, share?" This time it was Claire's turn to blush, and she looked down at her hands.

Alice swallowed thickly. An entire night in a single bed with Claire Redfield. She set her resolve. She could do this without jumping the younger woman.

"Okay. We'll share."

Alice hoped desperately that she wouldn't regret this decision.

**The Oh Hello's album 'Through the Deep, Dark Valley' was definitely my soundtrack for planning/writing this fic. I definitely recommend them. They're great.**

**And, like always...**

**Reviews make my world go 'round, seriously.**


	2. If You're Still Bleeding

**Title: **Wage Your Wars (2/11)

**Fandom: **Resident Evil (movie-verse)

**Pairing: **Alice Abernathy/Claire Redfield

**Rating: **NC-17

**Summary: **Claire had loved Alice once. Maybe she even still did. And she couldn't stand the idea of leaving the last person she'd ever known to travel the desolate world alone.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Resident Evil, or Claire and Alice.

**Notes: **Yay, emotional turmoil! That's basically this chapter in a nutshell.

XXX

_And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones.  
'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone._

Youth - Daughter

XXX

**Claire's POV**

Claire liked mornings where she could slowly reach wakefulness. She liked being able to languidly pull herself up from the depths of sleep and only awake after her head broke the surface. There was a certain rebellion in taking her time, ignoring the numbers on the clock for just a few moments as awareness slowly started stitching itself back in.

In the course of the apocalypse, she had had very few of those mornings. Today was no exception, but she was not jolted awake by a nightmare or the sound of something rustling nearby that could possibly want to kill her. She woke up to emptiness. The bed next to her was no longer filled with the warmth of another body and the soft sound of sleep breathing.

Claire sat up, the cold air hitting her skin and prickling it into goosebumps. She cursed under her breath. Ever since she was four or five, she had suffered from a habit of taking her clothes off in her sleep. Currently, her pants, turtleneck, and vest were on the floor. Her tank top was half tangled around her neck. She stumbled out of bed, adjusting it but not stopping to pull on her other clothes. She grabbed her Glock off the nightstand, panic hot and pulsing in her chest.

Her immediate fear was that Alice had left her. Willingly or not, she had gone. The idea of being alone was terrifying. Claire had lost _everyone else_. Not Alice too. She couldn't have lost Alice too.

Claire forced herself to swallow down a sob, blinking back the panicky tears that burned behind her eyes. Her hands tightened around her gun, her finger ready to slide around the trigger at a moment's notice. Fear made her skin shift from uncomfortably cold to burningly hot. Her blood pulsed wildly right below her skin.

The living room came into view, and Claire bit her lips in apprehension.

Alice was kneeling in front of the fireplace, dressed in dark jeans, a black shirt, and a worn leather jacket. She sat back on the thick heels of her combat boots, and her dark hair fell into her face as she looked up. Her blue eyes looked surprised, "Claire? Are you okay?"

A blush rose to paint Claire's cheeks. She had totally overreacted. Jesus. Of course Alice hadn't left her. Of course no one had taken her. Claire felt heavy with embarrassment, and she lowered her gun to her side, "Yeah."

"I didn't mean to scare you," Alice told her. She seemed to realize what had just happened in Claire's head. She stood up and took a few steps towards the younger woman. Her boots thumping against the floorboards was a strangely comfortable sound, "I'm sorry, Claire." Claire gave her a nod, and the brunette squeezed her shoulder, "I'll wake you up next time."

"Please," Claire replied, not trusting herself to say more. Alice gave her one of those comforting smiles she had been using so often lately, and it simultaneously made Claire feel at ease and completely pathetic, as though she was a helpless child.

Gently, Alice pushed her in the direction of the bedroom, "Maybe you should go put some more clothes on? It's cold. We can have breakfast after you do."

Claire looked down at herself and blushed again. The underwear and tank top didn't cover her up very well at all. Her nipples were visibly hard and her skin was a parade of goosebumps. Claire crossed her arms across her chest instinctively and muttered, "Yeah. Okay." Still guarding herself the best she could with her limbs, Claire turned and walked back towards the bedroom.

She could have sworn she felt Alice's eyes following her the entire way down the hallway.

XXX

It was nearing **15:00 **when Claire decided to go for a walk.

Alice was at the kitchen table, several maps spread out in front of her, her body hunched over them as she marked routes and fuel stops with a thick red Sharpie. She looked so focused and Claire almost smiled. It was sort of endearing. She didn't want to interrupt the woman, however, and simply made enough noise opening and closing the front door for Alice to know she had gone out. The brunette wouldn't be concerned unless she was gone too long.

Claire's Glock was holstered comfortingly against her right thigh, a wicked-sharp survival knife on her left. Usually she preferred to have a shotgun and another backup pistol as well, but she didn't plan on going far and it seemed incredibly quiet through this area anyway.

The first thing that hit Claire was the damp saltiness of the air. It stroked her face and made her eyes water. She had borrowed Alice's parka, however, and it was not as cold against her skin as it had been the day before. In fact, the coat felt almost too heavy. She probably could have gotten away with her vest and a long-sleeved shirt today. The weather changed unpredictably as of late. It had ever since the outbreak really took hold of the world.

Claire had not bothered to wear her combat boots, and the sand felt cold beneath her toes. It reminded her of the Nevada desert and of the Alaskan coast. She let the memories wind around her.

Thoroughly immersed in her thoughts, she walked towards the water, and soon she was in the layer of sand where the bank was still damp and freezing cold from high tide, but where the waves currently couldn't reach her footprints and wash them away. Her feet stung with each step as cold mush slid up to numb her heels and her toes. The wind tugged at her hair, and soon the chill in her face and her feet spread to the rest of her body. She shivered under the parka. Her teeth chattered. Suddenly, it no longer felt warmer than it had the previous day.

The waves stroked the shore as she walked along it, and it took her a long while before she realized that she had been inching closer. By the time she noticed, the water was already closer than she would have liked, and she couldn't jump out of the way before it moved upwards to caress her feet. Claire shuddered at the cold and let out a soft grunt of _holy fuck_, but she took another step towards the ocean anyway.

A glance to her right showed Claire that the bungalow was just barely visible down the beach. She looked at it and she thought of Alice in there with her maps, and for some reason the mental image of the other woman made her feel ill. She stopped hesitating as the bile rose in her throat and walked into the waves. Soon, the water hugged her legs up to her kneecaps, soaking through her jeans and nearly wetting the bottom of the parka. It was so cold her chest ached and her legs almost instantly started a cycle. For a moment, they were numb. Then an ache built until it felt like her shin bones were about to split underneath it. The cycle continued as numbness slid into her legs again.

Claire could think nothing except that she deserved it. She carried so many lives on her shoulders. Men, women, and children alike. Many of them had been her friends. All of them had been her convoy. And they had all died because she had blindly let them fall into a bad idea, and she had not been as adequately prepared to protect them as she should have been.

Long story short, Claire knew she was a terrible person. A horrible, horrible person. And she wanted nothing more than to allow the ocean to pull her in. She deserved it. She deserved to fade into nothingness as the freezing current and her air-hungry lungs tore her body apart. And really, it would not be that hard. 15 more feet out and the water would be high enough to clutch her throat. Then she would only have to close her eyes and let go and it would all be over.

But she couldn't. All she could think of was Alice. Even though the older woman was the reason for Alaska in the first place, the idea of leaving her killed Claire inside. She had loved her once. Maybe she even still did. And Claire couldn't stand the idea of leaving the last person she'd ever known to travel the desolate world alone.

Claire stood in the water for what felt like hours. But as she started to slowly meander back up to the sand, the sun had barely moved. When she reached the beach, the numbness in her legs faded completely, and she almost collapsed at the ache that tore through them. Suddenly, the bungalow seemed so very far away.

She walked about 100 feet before her knees turned to putty and gave out. She debated just laying there with her face in the sand until the pain went away. But she forced herself to crawl instead, feeling hot with shame. She crawled for a ways down the beach, but when she was close to the small beach house, she forced herself to walk the rest of the way even though she wanted to cry with every step she took.

The front door loomed in front of her, and her shaking hands barely managed to close around the doorknob in order to turn it. She stumbled into the living room, and Alice turned from the kitchen table. Her eyes widened at the sight of Claire, soaking wet and off-balance, sandy and bleary eyed.

Alice rushed over to her and touched her face and her shoulders, blue eyes wide and terrified and completely unsure of what to do, "What the fuck were you _thinking_, Claire?" She sounded more scared than Claire had ever heard before, and she felt even more guilt somehow begin to stack in her stomach.

Within moments, Alice had her free of her wet clothes, naked except for a bra and underwear underneath two large blankets. She was so close to the fire her face grew moist and shiny with a layer of sweat, and Claire absentmindedly feared the threads of the blankets would catch fire. As Alice tended to her and forced her to finish a bowl of steaming chicken noodle soup, various questions and phrases fell from the older woman's lips. Claire couldn't bring herself to focus on them very well, her fuzzy brain too interested on the tingling and the dull throb that still crawled through her legs.

"..._hypothermia..."_

_"...frostbite...lose your toes."_

_"You could have died."_

_"What...thinking?"_

_"...leaving me..."_

At some point, she must have drifted off, because the last thing she remembered was sitting in front of the fire while a worried Alice bustled around her. The next thing she knew, she became aware that she was being carried. Her eyelids fluttered open, and she caught sight of Alice's jaw and the curve of her lips. She smelled the familiar scent of vanilla and gunpowder, and she allowed her eyes to close again.

The feeling of the bed materializing under her hit her next, followed by Alice crawling in at her side. Her blankets were shifted, and the brunette was soon pressed against her, fully clothed. The rough cotton of her shirt brushed against Claire's stomach, and her still-cold body pressed closer to the new source of warmth.

Claire's hands fisted in Alice's shirt like the brunette was a lifeline, and within moments, sleep claimed her once more.

XXX

**Alice's POV**

The plane glided through the sky, en route to Nevada. There had been very few parts of the state that were no longer desert, but Alice clearly remembered a few, and her search the previous afternoon had found her a small airport in one of these less dead areas. When she told Claire the name of the state they were headed to, she had expected some sort of reaction. All she got was a nod and the redhead was once again looking out the window.

Claire had shown no sign of frostbite or hypothermia once Alice got her warmed up, so the brunette had reluctantly decided she was okay to travel. Claire had not spoken to her since yesterday morning, leaving Alice with no explanation for her actions. Not that Alice really needed one. During the end of the world, people tortured themselves. When guilt strangled her, Alice refused to let herself eat. Claire abused her body by overworking it or, now...walking into freezing water and standing there until her entire body protested.

Alice could still feel Claire's mostly naked body shivering against her under the sheets, and she hated herself for it. Last night, she had been worried about Claire's _life_, yet here she was, focused more on the fact that the softness of Claire's flesh was imprinted on her. She missed that feeling, wishing she could hold her again without the excuse of providing body heat.

Claire's voice snapped her out of her thoughts. The words were blurted so suddenly that Alice almost didn't catch them, "_I'mreallysorry_."

It took a second for the words to separate and process. Once they did, Alice shifted so she could reach back and touch Claire's knee, "Don't apologize. Just don't do it again. You scared me."

Claire nodded, looking down at Alice's hand until the brunette pulled it away. Claire then returned to staring out the window, like usual.

Alice didn't know what she was hoping to see. She wished she knew what was going on in Claire's head. Maybe then she would be able to try to fix things.

XXX

**Claire's POV**

Alice stood at the doorway of the hangar, watching as Claire easily took out the two undead inside with bullets to the head. It was not flashy or fun like she knew Alice enjoyed, but it was precise and impressive in its own right. Alice smiled at the redhead, pleased, then walked over to the far wall of the building, where the murky light from a hole in the ceiling and the doorway illuminated an area with fuel tanks. Hopefully, they would be at least somewhat full.

Claire stayed close to the door as Alice went to work. She watched the woman's expression, and saw it lighten when she found some of the precious substance in the tanks. Satisfied, Claire turned to go to the plane and grab what little supplies they could carry with them.

As she was mid turn, Claire heard a sound. When she had spun fully, her fears were confirmed. In front of her was an undead, what looked like it had once been a fairly well-built man. His face was missing most of its flesh, his pale blue eyes bugging out of his head. The muscles in his face stretched as his mouth opened. Claire heard herself cry out, and she tried to bring up her Glock in time to shoot the creature.

It moved too fast, and she knew the shot would be worthless. Time slowed. Her heartbeat grew loud as it throbbed slowly through her. Her blood coagulated and moved sluggishly through her veins. Teeth opened towards her throat, and everything flashed before her. Faces of her parents, Chris, K-Mart, Carlos, L.J. Everyone she had loved and lost flickered before her like an old movie, cutting through the static in her head.

_I'm going to see you all again_.

**Did I just end it there? Yes, I did just end it there. Uh-oh. What's going to happen to our dearest Claire Redfield? Drop some feedback in that little box down there, and you'll find out. ;)**

**Because, after all, reviews make my world go 'round. Seriously.**


	3. A Hole In My Soul

**Title: **Wage Your Wars (3/11)

**Fandom: **Resident Evil (movie-verse)

**Pairing: **Alice Abernathy/Claire Redfield

**Rating: **NC-17

**Summary: **Claire had loved Alice once. Maybe she even still did. And she couldn't stand the idea of leaving the last person she'd ever known to travel the desolate world alone.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Resident Evil, or Claire and Alice.

**Notes: **What happens to Claire? I know you've all been wondering...

XXX

_There's a hole in my soul.  
Can you fill it? Can you fill it?_

Flaws - Bastille

XXX

**Claire's POV**

_I'm going to see you all again._

The thought caressed her mind gently, and Claire almost accepted it. She almost welcomed the feeling of a ragged maw ripping out her jugular. But then something tore through her. It was Alice's voice, sharp and piercing and completely terrified, "_CLAIRE!_"

And suddenly, time returned to full speed. At the sound of Alice's desperate cry, her body threw itself into motion. Her hands flew up. She grabbed the undead by its face, twisted as hard as she possibly could, and listened to the _snap _of its neck breaking.

Her breath arched through her body in painful bursts. She could do nothing but stare at the fallen body, her Glock laying off to the side, her hands hanging limply against her thighs. There was the sound of rapid footsteps, and Alice's hands gripped her shoulders, spinning her around. The older woman's eyes were wide, face drawn with terror, "Are you okay? You didn't get bitten?"

"No. I'm okay," Claire managed. She was free of wounds, though she wasn't sure she was completely happy about it. A part of her longed deeply for the death she could easily have just allowed to capture her. If only, if only.

Alice's hands moved up to cradle Claire's face. She looked so scared, so shaken. Her palms trembled just as much as Claire's own. The part of her brain that cried out for death was matched by a part that cried out with equal strength to stay here with Alice, the one person who still cared for her.

The fingers on Claire's cheeks were soft and calloused all at once. Alice's lips barely moved, but the words sounded clear all the same, "I keep coming so close to losing you. I can't handle it."

Before Claire could respond, Alice closed the distance. Cool, slightly chapped lips pressed against the corner of Claire's mouth. It was not a full kiss and it lasted for no more than a second or two, but it startled the redhead anyway.

They had not kissed since the desert, and something primal deep inside of Claire wanted more. She wanted to taste every inch of Alice's mouth and touch burning trails down her body. But everything had changed so much since then, and it made Claire feel distant. She couldn't bring herself to do more than just look at Alice with wide eyes. Nothing else felt right.

They stood facing each other for another moment or two, then Alice took a shuddering breath and stepped back, "I'm going to finish getting that fuel." Claire nodded, and murmured a thank you when Alice bent down to pick up her discarded handgun. Alice walked back across the hanger, and Claire reholstered her weapon before leaning against the wall behind her.

She gave herself a few minutes for her thoughts to settle, then she went outside to get their packs from the plane. Alice was going to taxi the plane in once she got the fuel, but Claire felt like she needed to do something productive. Her mouth felt like it was tingling, especially on the corner where Alice's lips had rested for a few seconds.

It was still tingling when Claire had finished laying out their sleeping bags on the floor. It was still tingling when Alice walked outside, got in the plane, and taxied it into the hangar. It was still tingling when the older woman walked over to Claire, rifle against her back, and asked, "Are you okay for a while? I'm going to go hunt. We're running low on canned soup and need something else."

"Yeah," Claire replied, then bit her lip. She didn't want to ask, but she also had to know. The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could think about them too much, "Why did you do that?"

Alice's eyebrows furrowed, and Claire specified even though she figured the other woman probably had a pretty good idea of what she meant, "Why did you kiss me like that? Why did you say those things?"

"I've almost lost you two times in two days. That's terrifying, Claire. I don't know what I would do without you. And..." Alice paused, swallowing thickly as though something was stuck in her throat. Her voice lowered like she feared someone might be listening, "I still remember the Nevada desert. I still remember what happened, how much I felt for you." She shook her head then met Claire's eyes, "I will _never _forgive myself for leaving behind the greatest thing I ever had."

With that, she walked out of the hangar.

Claire stared after her, feeling every emotion she could possibly imagine crashing through her like a violent sea.

XXX

**Alice's POV**

_Stupid, stupid. Alice, you're stupid. What the hell were you thinking?_

Alice couldn't focus on hunting. Not when her thoughts were bouncing around inside of her skull cavity, refusing to settle. She could still see the undead about to rip out Claire's throat, and the way that the redhead had frozen until Alice screamed her name. But she could also still see Claire's wide eyes and confused expression when Alice grabbed her face and kissed her.

It wasn't even a real kiss, but still. Too much, too much. Claire was still hardly opening up. Alice should have known better.

She was scared to return to the hangar. She didn't want to know what she might find there waiting for her.

XXX

The silence during dinner was awkward, to say the least. Alice spent the entire time berating herself, beating her body in her own thoughts. What had she done? When did she not fuck everything up?

Aggressively, she bit into the rabbit she had caught and cooked up for them. The meat tasted gamey and fresh, but Alice wanted to vomit even as she ate. Every time she glanced at Claire and the other woman shifted uncomfortably, Alice wanted to throw up. She wanted to say _something _that would make things better, but she didn't know what would help.

_Look, I'm a total idiot. I'm sorry._

_You can hate me if you want to._

_I didn't mean to push you into anything._

_Let's just pretend that never happened._

Alice was about to speak one of those phrases. Maybe even a combination of all of them. She even started to open her mouth. Then something interrupted her before she could get the words out. It was a whimpering noise, coming from by the entrance of the hangar. _God, we can't catch a fucking break, can we?_

Both Alice and Claire pulled their guns instinctively, pointing them in that direction. They moved almost simultaneously to rise to their feet. The sound had been strangely high pitched, but that didn't mean it hadn't come from something that wanted to kill them. Again. Like usual.

"Who's there?" Alice called, her voice echoing around the hangar.

The maker of the sound stepped into view given by the flickering light cast by their small fire. Alice couldn't believe it. It was a dog. A puppy to be exact. Its ears and tail were down, its big globular eyes staring at them, a small whimpering noise escaping its throat. It was skinny enough that the mountains of its ribs were just visible under its skin. Claire lowered her gun after no more than a second, placed two fingers in her mouth, and whistled. Alice winced, wanting to tell her no. They didn't know if it was infected.

But the puppy was already bounding over, taking Claire's invitation as a sure sign of friendliness. She reached for one of the rabbit legs and held it out. The puppy happily snapped it up from her grasp, and Alice let herself hiss, "Are we sure this is _safe_? And to give it our food, no less."

Claire shot her a glare, "Just look at him, Alice! He's a baby." Even as she spoke, the puppy paused in devouring the rabbit meat to lick her fingers. It crawled into her lap and placed its paws on her stomach, dragging its tongue over her face. Claire's nose scrunched up and she pushed the dog away only half-heartedly.

The sound of Claire's laughter was what startled Alice. It wasn't dry or bitter, and it wasn't a half hearted chuckle. It was full, head-thrown-back, forehead-creasing, eyes-closing laughter. The sound was one Alice hadn't heard since the desert, and she had only heard it then two or three times. An involuntary smile tugged at her lips at the sight, and Alice tried to beat it down so Claire wouldn't realize how incredibly whipped she was when it came to seeing her happy.

The puppy was very obviously a German Shepherd, maybe four or five months old. He was scrawny but Alice could see the potential for strength hidden in his body, if only he had the proper nourishment. She had no idea how long he had been alone, but judging by his malnourished appearance, there wasn't a Mama Dog nearby for him to go back to.

As the puppy returned to his food, Alice looked between him and Claire. The younger woman watched him with something in her blue-green eyes. It was a new light, one Alice hadn't seen before. There was also a glint of the same maternal instinct that Claire had seemed to develop whenever she was around K-Mart and any of the children and teenagers in the convoy. Alice sighed as Claire reached out to scratch behind the young dog's ears.

"Let me check him over for infection," Alice told her, hating that she was giving in, "And if he's clean, we can keep him. " In a more teasing tone, Alice added, "As long as _you_ take care of him."

Claire turned to look at her, and a real, genuine grin broke over her face, "Thank you! I would never have been able to just leave him here alone." Oh Claire. Always caring so much about others, even when the others had fur and four legs.

"He'll be useful if we can train him as a guard dog," Alice admitted. Since Wesker injected her with the T-Virus destroying antigen, she had lost most of her powers. She was still stronger and faster than most humans. Her blood still seemed to hum when the undead were around. She was more agile and there had been a few times where she had almost been able to move things with her psychic powers again. Her hearing and her sight were still more sensitive. But they were nowhere near what they had been, and Alice welcomed the idea of someone who could sense the undead long before they were in attacking range.

And, what Alice would not admit out loud, was that she hoped the dog would bring Claire back. Perhaps giving her something to lead and train and care for would cue the old Claire Redfield, the one who was not broken. Maybe it would bring Claire Redfield back to life. Emotionally, of course. Alice had to deal with too many physical resurrections of dead humans. Hopefully a rejuvenated Claire wouldn't also want to devour Alice's flesh. Hopefully she would at least hold _conversations_.

After the puppy finished eating the meat from the rabbit and had settled for gnawing on the bone, Alice felt over its body. It was definitely a male, and he was skinny but not dangerously so. She felt no scratches or bite marks on his body. Claire watched apprehensively the whole time, fearing the worst, and when Alice gave her a small smile and said, "He's clean" her eyes seemed to glow.

That night, Claire took first watch. She sat up with the puppy, letting him lick her face and her hands. Once or twice before Alice managed to drift off, she heard Claire try out names on the dog. She chuckled as she listened. Maybe he would be an absolute hindrance. Or maybe he would be exactly what they needed. Alice had no idea what the dog would do to effect them.

It was difficult for her, but, for once, she decided to try to be optimistic.

**Aww, a puppy. I couldn't resist. I had to give our poor Claire something to be happy about.**

**As always, reviews make my world go 'round, seriously.**


	4. Takes One to Know One

**Title: **Wage Your Wars (4/11)

**Fandom: **Resident Evil (movie-verse)

**Pairing: **Alice Abernathy/Claire Redfield

**Rating: **NC-17

**Summary: **Claire had loved Alice once. Maybe she even still did. And she couldn't stand the idea of leaving the last person she'd ever known to travel the desolate world alone.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Resident Evil, or Claire and Alice.

**Notes: **Yay, an action-y chapter!

XXX

_You're like a mirror, reflecting me  
Takes one to know one, so take it from me  
You've been lonely  
You've been lonely, too long_

Dust to Dust - The Civil Wars

XXX

**Alice's POV**

A week had passed, and Alice could see the improvement.

Pilot was an annoying little shit at times, she wouldn't deny that. He was always curious and sometimes he climbed on her head and chewed on her ears when she was trying to sleep. But when Claire was playing with him or working on training him, she seemed like she was finally returning to herself. Her shattered pieces were reforming the mosaic that had once been her true personality.

She had her firm leader voice back, and she used it well. It had taken only a few days for Pilot to fairly consistently remember "sit" and "stay". Alice was impressed, both with Claire's training abilities and with the puppy's quick learning. Thankfully, he was quiet and didn't bark when it was unnecessary. He wasn't _totally _bad, and Alice was grateful he'd found them.

Claire even talked to her more. Not much more, and Alice usually had to start the conversations. But Claire would answer questions in multiple words and sentences, and she would smile at jokes. She was even becoming sarcastic again, and Alice didn't mind the teasing Claire gave her one bit. Because Claire was talking and that's really all she wanted. At least for now. One step at a time.

They were staying in a cabin outside of Colorado Springs, in the woods at the base of Pikes Peak and the smaller mountains around it. The cabin was settled among a collection of many different types of trees. A thin layer of fog blanketed over everything, just enough to curl like a whisper between the trees, but not enough to seriously corrupt visibility.

The woods hid animals. They hadn't seen any besides birds, but it was obvious there were creatures living in the trees. The infection hadn't created as much destruction here as other places, and Alice planned to take advantage of this and try to find some bigger game. Deer and elk both lived around this area. Surely she would stumble upon something.

Alice was loading her rifle at the kitchen table in the cabin when Claire sat across from her. Alice could sense the redhead's desire to speak, and she looked up and met her eyes. Claire bit her lower lip for a second, then asked, "Can I go with you? I hate sitting around like I'm worthless. I want to do something useful, not be a dead weight."

"I didn't realize you felt that way," Alice said, because Claire had been so jumpy lately and Alice had genuinely thought the redhead preferred staying behind. Oh, the consequences of not talking. Alice slid the rifle across the table, "I would have let you go all the other times if you'd mentioned it. Let me go get the other rifle and we'll head out."

Claire smiled at her, relief and a hint of excitement filling her face. Alice smiled back, squeezing Claire's shoulder as she walked by her.

Within fifteen minutes, they were ready to go. They locked Pilot in the cabin and headed out quietly into the woods. Alice set some basic snares along the path they took from the cabin, to catch squirrels and rabbits, and also prevent them from getting lost on the way back. They found a spot near a clearing and took refuge there, waiting for something to pass by.

It wasn't an incredibly interesting process. The leaves were cold and damp. The air left dew sprinkled on their skin. The silence was unnerving because the chance of an undead (or multiple undead) stumbling across them and causing problems as well as scaring away all the game was always a very real concern. Alice looked over her shoulders as much as she looked towards the clearing, and she couldn't shake the tension that always burrowed itself into her shoulders.

Alice was so focused on making sure nothing surprised them that she nearly jumped when a deer came in the clearing. She carefully aimed her gun, and right as her finger tightened on the trigger, she heard a report of gunfire from next to her. The deer's head shot up, but in a matter of a couple of seconds, it crumpled to the ground. Alice gave a low whistle, "Nice shot."

Claire gave her a smug smile and slid out from hiding. They walked over to the deer. It was a doe, a white-tail. It wasn't very old, but it would provide enough meat to last them a few days. Alice grinned at Claire, "I'm impressed."

"Thanks," Claire replied, and Alice could see the smile that tugged at the corners of her lips.

Soon, they were heading back towards the cabin. Alice was carrying the deer, and Claire had a loon that they had caught in one of the snares. Alice had cracked a joke a few moments earlier, about how Claire would fit in perfectly in a flock of loons, and she couldn't drop it because Claire's facial expressions were just too hilarious, "You know, I can see the resemblance between you two." She motioned towards the dead bird, "Is that your cousin?"

"Shut up," Claire told her. Claire Redfield Death Stare, activated. Too bad it didn't really effect Alice.

Alice snickered, "Ooh, touchy. Must be your relative, then. You wouldn't be this pissy if it wasn't a family member."

"I'm not pissy," Claire argued. She gave Alice the finger, and the brunette pretended to clutch at her heart as though Claire had physically wounded her. The younger woman rolled her eyes at the dramatics, "God, Alice. You're so mature."

Alice grinned, "At least I'm not a loon!"

"I'll tell you where I'm going to put your loon," Claire muttered, waving the bird carcass at Alice threateningly. There was mock anger on her face, and Alice feigned fear at the prospect of where Claire was going to put the loon.

Claire's own expression shifted into a similar fearful one, and Alice laughed, thinking Claire was mocking her. At least for a moment. Then it hit her that the joking glint in Claire's eyes had faded away, and something heavy dropped into Alice's stomach. It was real fear on Claire's face.

Oh shit.

Alice's muscles automatically grew taught as she braced herself for whatever Claire was looking at over Alice's left shoulder.

"Duck!" Claire yelled, and Alice let the deer fall from her shoulders and dropped to the ground, rolling to the side so she could get right back on to her feet out of the path of immediate danger. Gunfire sounded from Claire's direction, and Alice looked at what the redhead was shooting at.

A mountain lion stood just feet from her. Its fur was patchy with mange. Its claws were extended, and Alice could see the muscle rippling under its coat. There was an oozing crater in its side, and Alice knew it was a result of one of Claire's bullets. It probably would have been a kill shot in an everyday situation (_not that this was an everyday situation by any means_, her mind decided to add). But Alice was close enough to see the creature's eyes. They were pale and cloudy blue and pupil-less, and Alice knew the creature was undead.

The realization sent hot, liquid terror pumping through her veins like molten lava beneath her skin. She scrambled for her gun and shouted, "Claire, get out of here! _Now_!"

Alice didn't have time to see if Claire listened. Her voice caught the cougar's attention, and it snarled in her direction. Its hackles flexed and tensed as it sat back on them, and Alice braced herself for the leap.

The mountain lion sprang like it was shot out of a slingshot, and Alice rolled to the side, hard. She fired the gun twice, but the creature moved surprisingly quickly. Her bullets pierced its torso again, but that didn't accomplish anything except making it more angry.

Faster than Alice would have imagined it could, the mountain lion shot out a paw, and her handgun was sent flying to vaguely the same area where her rifle and the dead deer had fallen off of her back in the initial roll. Alice cursed loudly and searched for her knife. It was in a holster on her boot, and she struggled to free it as adrenaline caused her hands to shake violently. _Come on, come on. I don't want to die like this_.

Alice hadn't realized how much she relied on her powers until now, when she desperately needed them. She also had never fought anything besides undead humans, except for dogs. But dogs were much smaller and less agile than mountain lions. She would much rather have a pack of zombie Dobermans in front of her.

But she didn't have that choice. Alice freed her knife at the same time the creature leapt again, and Alice rolled once more, knowing that if it pinned her, she had no chance. Her knife hand shot out, and she plunged it into the cougar's skull. It shrieked, and Alice knew the wound was fatal.

But not instantaneously so, apparently. The cat rounded on her again, and Alice could do nothing but brace herself. She had no more weapons. If it sunk its teeth or its claws into her, then she was doomed.

Suddenly, more gunfire rang out. The mountain lion let out another horrific shriek, then it collapsed with a surprising grace, a large paw coming to rest just inches from Alice's head.

The brunette breathed out heavily, feeling the exhalation shudder between her ribs. The creature was peppered with bullet holes, and Alice counted three in its skull. She looked over at the opposite side of the clearing, and there was Claire, Glock in hand, looking wide eyed and wild.

She rushed to Alice's side, shoving the large body of the animal out of the way. Both women were breathing hard, and Alice was glad to see she wasn't the only one who was pale and trembling. Claire's hands touched Alice's face, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Alice told her. She sat up and winced at the protests in her back and sides. She surveyed the damage mentally. Her body fought her but it wasn't a full-out riot, and Alice knew she would be fine in a couple of days. She nodded at Claire, "Pretty bruised, but I'll be okay."

Claire bit her lower lip, then replied, "Good. I'm glad you're not too badly injured."

"You didn't run," Alice said, surprised. She would have expected any sane person to run away. An angry, undead mountain lion was not something Alice would have wanted to face if she had the opportunity not to. But that was Claire, and Alice simultaneously loved and hated her selfless bravery.

Claire's eyebrows shot into her hairline at Alice's statement, "Run? Since when do I run from anything? Who do you think I _am_?"

Alice paused for a moment, fighting the grin that wanted to spread across her face. However, she couldn't resist it, and smiled at Claire toothily, "A loon."

"Oh my god, you asshole. Why did I even bother to save you?" Claire asked. She threw her hands up in the air in desperation.

Alice's heart was still hammering against her ribs and she still felt queasy and shaky. Lifting the deer was more painful than it should have been. She had almost just _died, _an occurrence that was far too common for her liking.

But it still took her ten minutes to stop laughing about the fucking loon.

XXX

Claire was lying on her back on the couch, Pilot sleeping on her legs, when she asked, "Hey, Alice?"

"Yes?" Alice responded. She was sitting on the opposite couch and cleaning her nails with a knife, but she paused and looked up at Claire's voice.

The redhead stared at the ceiling, "Can I ask something? You might think it's dumb, but I have to know."

"Shoot," Alice told her.

Claire scratched at the side of her head, a gesture she did when thinking. She opened and closed her mouth once or twice, trying to find the words. Whatever it was, it had obviously been plaguing her for a while. For a moment, Alice was worried something was seriously wrong. What could it be, though?

Finally, Claire found her voice, "Can we go to Arklay Ridge? It's a neighborhood about 50 miles outside of Raccoon City." Claire looked at Alice then, and her expression was undeniably pleading, "I used to live there. And we're heading in that direction. We could go to my old house."

"I don't know, Claire," Alice said, not even having to think about it before apprehension hit her, "Are you sure that's a good idea? We don't know what we might find there." _We could find undead, or worse._ Alice thought it but didn't speak it, and something told her Claire probably could sense the unspoken worry.

Claire swallowed. Her mouth quivered nervously, "I need closure, Alice. I've wanted it for five years now. And I've never been able to get it, because I had people to lead. But...now I have that chance."

Alice sighed, running a hand through her hair. It wasn't a good idea. She knew it. But she couldn't stand the sad, pleading look on Claire's face. It was desperate and begging, and Alice couldn't fight it. She looked away, trying to compose a reason to say no. But instead, she gave in, "Fine. I don't like the idea, but we'll set our course for Arklay Ridge."

Claire didn't smile, but genuine gratitude painted itself across her face. Her blue-green eyes shone, and she murmured, "Thank you so much."

Alice nodded and went back to cleaning her fingernails, praying she wouldn't regret the decision.

**Dundundun. What will happen? What will they find when they go to Claire's old house? Tune in next time to see!**

**But seriously, dramatic TV announcer spiel aside, thank you guys for reading, and I hope you'll continue to stick with me. Feedback would be great also. I don't want to be that person who holds chapters hostage due to a lack of comments...**

**So, as always, reviews make my would go 'round, seriously.**


End file.
